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| Everyone knows how to raise children except the people who have them. -P.J. O'Rourke |
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| The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. -Lane Olinghouse |
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| Recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids 2. Make coffee 3. Forget you made coffee 4. Add ice |
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| Parenthood: The scariest hood you'll ever go through. |
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| Parenting was much easier when I was raising my non-existent kid hypothetically. |
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| A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand in a hammock workout spilling your coffee |
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| "So, I stepped away for two seconds..." -The beginning of every parenting horror story |
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| Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare. -End Asner |
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90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again  |
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