Mom Jokes

Mother: (noun) One person who does the work of 20. For free
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Don’t wake up mom! There are at least seven species that eat their young. Your mom may be one of them.
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Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
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Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.

Mom: WTF!

Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.

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Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: OK, I will ask your sister.

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You know you’re a mom when… …picking up another human to smell their butt is not only normal but totally necessary

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“My great-grandma gave me this money,” said my three-year-old, happily clutching a $20 bill he’d 
gotten as a present.

“That’s right,” I said. “How did you know that?”

Pointing to Andrew Jackson’s face in the middle, he said, “Because her picture is on it.”

—Andi Olson, Avondale, Arizona

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Me: ahhh I love Bach's music! He was such an amazing composer.

Mom: well ya know what he's doing now?

Me:.....

Mom: DE-composing

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"Why doesn't your mother like me?" a woman asks her boyfriend.

"Don't take it personally," he assures her. "She's never liked anyone I've dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn't work out at all."

"What happened?"

"My father couldn't stand her."

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Me: *pouring vinegar for science experiment*

Mom: Be careful! If you let the vinegar touch you it could cause a bad reaction.

Me:....? How?

Mom: 'cause you're so BASIC

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 I told my mom we were out of toilet paper and she says "a lot of a**holes in this house."

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Me: My legs are short

Mom: I'm sorry I couldn't have selected long leg genes for you; So you could have long legs jeans 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Me: I'm learning to juggle.

Mom: Be careful! I was always told that if a group of clowns attacks you, go for the juggler.