Dad's are parents! Not babysitters.

With Father's Day Weekend coming up fast, I have a little annoyance I'd like to share. Whenever I'm out without my children, people like to ask if "dad is babysitting" for me. 

Obviously, we all have heard the stories about dads who disappear, never call, never write, never visit, and never send any financial help. This is not about them.

This is about the MEN who are parenting, whether coupled or not. This is about men who parent with their loving wives and husbands, their live-in partners, and their exes. This is about fathers whose partners died of complications after childbirth, or through other tragic accidents, dads doing it all alone because women disappeared, and dads who parent their adopted children.

We are socialized into some pretty toxic beliefs about gender roles and both men and women are losing out because of it.

Being a parent is a really tough and more often than not thankless job. We are basically socialized from infancy to believe that a woman is meant to be wives and mothers and that men couldn’t possibly care for a baby as well as a woman naturally could.

Just consider how we view things like stay-at-home dads, single dads, or women who would rather—CLUTCHES PEARLS—not have children at all. Stay-at-home dads are either heroes for giving up so much or they are “not a man,” simply because they choose to nurture rather than “bring home the bacon.” But then stay-at-home moms are considered spoiled and lazy or "lucky" they get to sit around at home all day. Single dads are heroes, while single moms are deemed irresponsible and easy.

Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where men didn't get put on a pedestal for "helping" take care of their children?  Friends help. Grandparents help. Babysitters help. Dads parent. And it is nothing to be considered exceptionally exceptional.

Dads aren't stupid! There is nothing stopping them from learning how to care for their children. To pretend otherwise is an insult to their intelligence.

It is pretty clear that society feels like the dad is doing the mom favor by looking after his own child because deep down they think she’s the one who’s meant to be looking after them not him. The idea that a dad can babysit his own kid is the tip of the iceberg, covering a host of cultural beliefs that dads are not ‘proper’ parents. But what they are doing is not temporary, and it’s not as a favor. 

Though people may not be trying to be hurtful with these statements, it is often felt as if these men are being undermined in their role as fathers. 

Studies have shown the more responsibility Dads take on raising their children, the happier, longer, and more satisfying their lives are. Also, moms who share the responsibility for the children with their partners have better mental health, enjoy their time spent with their kids, and have a better chance of having a successful career. Then, the icing on the cake, children who have a closer relationship with their father is happier and healthier.

Hopefully, some moms will hear this and attempt to take a step back and give their partner some wiggle room to be able to be a more active and involved parent. Accepting that dads nay do things in their own way is ok and they are capable competent parents.

I've personally made my mistakes in picking partners to help me raise our family, but I can say currently I am so happy to have an involved parent to raise my children with! My partner cooks Saturday breakfast for us, so I am able to get a little extra sleep. He takes the kids to and from school. He is a wonderful partner and a great dad!

Here is a link to 8 Science-Backed Reasons Why Dads Deserve More Credit

Here are seven phrases we can use instead of calling dads helpers:

1. Instead of, "I'm so happy my husband's babysitting tonight," try, "I'm so happy to have a partner who can stay home with the kids tonight."
2. Instead of, "My partner's great, he helps me a lot with the baby," try, "My partner is great, he's such a competent father."
3. Instead of, "My partner watches the baby for me while I work," try, "My partner parents the baby while I'm at work."
4. Instead of, "My husband helps with household chores a lot", try, "We try to keep responsibilities around the house equal."
5. Instead of, "Thanks for helping me with the kids today," try, "Thanks for being such a great dad."
6. Instead of "Why don't you want to watch the baby by yourself" try "You've got this. You're a competent dad. I trust you."
7. Instead of, "You need to start helping with the laundry," try, "I have a lot on my plate. You need to do some laundry, too."

And here are a few phrases for dads to use:

1. Instead of, "She's raising the kids, I'm just helping," try, "My partner shoulders a lot of responsibility and I really appreciate her."
2. Instead of, "I can't come I'm babysitting my kids," try, "I can't come, I've got my kids today."
3. Instead of, "I help out a lot at home" try, "I put in effort in around our house."

The bottom line, if fathers are labeled as helpers, they are by definition not equal parents.